


recovery

by heyimal_ex



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Familial - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Jackson - Freeform, Joels a Good Dad, Post-Canon, and joel just loves her sm, ellie angst, ellie deals w her past trauma, he just wants good for her, hes her dad ok, hurt ellie, platonic, random male oc - Freeform, rape mention!!, written in lower case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyimal_ex/pseuds/heyimal_ex
Summary: Ellie is still dealing with what happened with David, but she’s slowly coming to terms with her trauma. Not soon after moving into Jackson, however, a kid from her class won’t leave her alone, and it brings back some not so great memoriesJoel isn’t too happy. He’s determined to protect his daughter.[r*pe mentions!! written in lower case on purpose]
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), strictly familial
Comments: 9
Kudos: 145





	recovery

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this forever ago and it isn’t beta’d but i’ve been cranking out some happy fics in the wake of TLOU2 sadness so i thought this deserved to see the light of day. hope u enjoy <3

joel knows that ellie will never quite be the same after everything that had went down that winter. he noticed it in the way she trailed behind, in the way her words seemed to get caught in her throat, in the way she avoided that topic like a goddamn time bomb. 

he hates it. he would do anything to help her. and he hopes, that just by being there - by loving her as intensely as he does - that he is, at least in some way. 

and it does seem to help. after some weeks go by, ellie is chattering again, constantly asking joel about life before it all went to shit. she would ask about his teenage life, about his childhood, about sarah - joel had found that, for the first time in his life, talking about it was doing more help than hurting - and everything in between. 

occasionally, he was able to ask her about her own life. it usually only happened when he could get a word in edgewise, while she was taking a breath between her own intense questions, but the answers he got were always fast and disinterested. her attention was thousands of times more fixated on him. 

due to this, he didn’t know a massive amount about her past. he supposed it didn’t matter much - he didn’t need to know everything about her to know how much he cared about her - but it would’ve been nice to know some things. 

one night, amid the travel to the fireflies, they settle into an abandoned house. joel does an intense scope of the place, making sure it’s free of humans and infected alike before setting up a small bed for him and ellie to share. the pairs definition of a “bed” is two blankets layered below them, and then one on top of them for warmth. occasionally, they got lucky in the houses they would squat in and find a rotted mattress, but they were granted no such thing in this dilapidated structure. 

it’s ok. joel feels reassured knowing that there’s a blanket over ellie, keeping her warm, and thats all he really needs. 

as they lay there, snuggled underneath the quilt, a silence lulls over them. it isn’t typical for ellie to stop talking, and joel almost assumes she’s asleep when she says it. 

“i think he wanted to rape me.”

the words feel like a punch to the stomach to joel, but he keeps his mouth shut and his harsh intake of breath quiet. for a moment, all is silent again, and joel is processing a response when ellie keeps going. 

“david, i mean. he was, uh-“ she laughs, but it’s slightly wet sounding. joel finds himself reaching out, tucking an arm underneath her head and pulling him close to his side for some sort of comfort. “he was a weird fucking dude. really cryptic. really...good at playing nice. i think that was why it was so jarring.”

joel sighs. “any kid in that position would find it startlin’, sweetheart. you don’t need reasons to feel the way you do.”

“yeah. i know.” joel knows she doesn’t - not really. even if she did, she didn’t understand why it was important - why she was feeling guilt. why it really wasn’t her fault. 

ellie breaths out, fast and hard, letting her lips hit together like a horse. “but i think it helps. knowing how fucked up he was. makes me feel less stupid.”

“now why-“ the man takes a deep breath. he needs to remind himself to be gentle. he’s never been in this sort of situation, and he can’t relate, but he needs to be there for his daughter. the last thing he wants is to scare the other off when she’s opening up to him. “why would you feel stupid at all?”

ellie’s silent for another long moment, and joel is afraid he’s said the wrong thing. “i should’ve seen it coming.” she murmurs eventually. joel’s arm gives her another tight squeeze around her side. “i mean- i had the chance to shoot him. and i didn’t. and a ton of his men died, and you fought injured, and he- i-“ she took a deep breath and the tears aren’t so well hidden in her voice anymore. “i just wish i had a better judge of character.”

“baby girl.” is all joel can breath out at the moment. he’s not good with this, with feelings and emotions and shit, but he can feel the pain radiating off of ellie in waves. it isn’t easy for her to say this, any of this, and he isn’t about to ‘bad parent’ his way through teaching her not to confide in him. 

no. he was going to be there no matter what. ellie meant the world to him, and that was all he was really sure of in this moment. she had, without a doubt, became his reason to fight.

and he hated david. he despised him for everything he did and a part of him wishes he had been there to torture him. ellie’s method of execution, although understandable, was all too quick in joel’s opinion. a piece of shit like that deserves longer; more pain. he doesn’t deserve to take the easy way out. 

but he has to be there for ellie right now, not off festering his own hatred towards a man whose dead and gone. so he starts talking. 

“the men who died- i killed them, ellie. not you. and they supported david and all he did. all of them- they didn’t deserve to live. now, i may be no god, and i may not be the one to make heavy choices like that, but i know that in my heart. they weren’t good people. they weren’t in it just for survival - they were in it to hurt people. we did good, puttin’ ‘em down. kept ‘em from hurtin anyone else.”

ellie sighs, and her hand rests against the others chest. in the very faded section of his memory, joel remembers her doing the same while he was out from the wound he had sustained. he can’t help but reach out with his other hand, the one not tucked under ellie’s head, and give her hand a little squeeze. 

she’s so young. her hands are tiny, and it’s almost hard to imagine how many humans and infected they’ve hurt and killed. 

joel has to squeeze his eyes shut tight so as not to think about it, but he keeps talking. 

“and david - he was good. now, i never knew him myself-“ the anger he feels rises to his voice - “never got the pleasure. but in this world, ellie, people have gotten real good at pretending to be nice. and i know you hate hearing this, but you are a child. you’re learnin’, and that’s okay. it just sucks you gotta learn in a world like this. hell, i’m old, as you so love to remind me-“ he gives the other a playful shove - “but sometimes, i still trust people i shouldn’t. cause sometimes, people suck. they’re good at lying.”

ellie takes in a deep breath. “what’s your point here?”

joel sighs. “im not good at expressing this shit, kid. my point is that it’s not your fault. none of it. you can’t blame yourself for not shooting him, because most adults would trust him, never mind a teen whose still learning her way around this world. you were not stupid. you were not to blame.”

ellie cries against him, and joel holds her as tight as he can. softly, in the dark of the night, he promises to never let anyone touch her again, and then they fade off to sleep, still gripping each other for dear life. 

-

months pass. joel makes the hardest decision of his life, and ultimately, the one he regrets the least. 

all of them are dead. ellie is alive. 

he lies to her about it. he knows she knows the truth, but he’s so, so thankful she doesn’t push it, even if it’s selfish, even if he deserves for her to rip his head off. 

they keep traveling and, eventually, they find their way back to jackson. tommy, overjoyed to see both of them still alive, welcomes them into the town with open arms. maria is slightly less enthusiastic, but she likes ellie, so she warns joel not to cause trouble and then lets it slide that they’re staying there. 

for once, they have a house. ellie takes a shower - a shower!! - for the first time since the boarding school. joel cooks actual breakfast in the morning, using food tommy had been growing and distributing from the local farm. they had electricity, so when they ate, they could do it with the lights on over their heads. 

it was heaven. they were finally living a semi-normal life. ellie was finally getting even a semblance of a normal childhood. joel was so, so happy. 

but every great thing had it’s downs. 

it happened one day, right after ellie had been sent off to school, but right before joel headed off to work. considering the fact that he was a contractor before the outbreak, tommy had put him to work building (and planning, when his back was bad or his stomach wound was pulling) the houses for the new families scheduled to move into the community. as tommy put it, they were “ever growing”, and constantly needed more and more room. 

it was around the same time joel landed his job that ellie was more or less officially enrolled in the school system. it wasn’t much - in joel’s opinion, it could barely be called ‘school’ - but it taught the younger kids to write, and kept the older ones busy with books and random maths lessons. ellie would complain up a storm - “i don’t understand why i need to know long division while the worlds fallen apart around us” - and joel had given her a firm pat on the back. 

“one day,” he grunted as they talked. “the world will be returned to how it was, and you’ll need all that knowledge of yours to get a good job.”

“yeah, right.” despite the snark in ellie’s tone, she was grinning at the other. “imagine this - i walk into the job interview. i tell them three plus three is six. they hire me on the spot.”

joel chuckles and shakes his head. “i don’ know, kid.” he gave the others shoulder a squeeze. “i’d hire ya.”

although she hasn’t made many friends - from ellie’s explanations, she really hadn’t wanted to - the young girl was doing good in school. on their ‘tests’ - if they could be called that - she was scoring well, and joel had yet to have a visit from her teacher. he supposed that meant all was good. 

the one issue was the timing. ellie left to head to the school building around seven thirty, and joel headed out to work around nine. this meant that ellie was up and out of the house long before joel was, and usually left without even waking him up, walking to school all by herself. 

joel hated this at first. she was his daughter, and no matter how safe this community seemed, infected, hunters, and robbers were all still a thing. an ambush could happen any minute and he wanted to be with ellie whenever possible, just in case. he felt like that’s the state of mind he functioned in nowadays - just in case. 

he supposed that came with being a father. 

but ellie had reassured him, telling him she was totally fine with taking the walk alone. “besides,” she had winked. “you need your beauty rest, old man.”

joel scoffed, but had eventually dropped the argument. he still didn’t like it, though, and always spent ellie’s school days slightly stressed out. 

on this particular day, joel decided to do some cleaning. ellie was atrocious at picking up after herself, so joel did most of the dishes, laundry, and washing, although ellie did cook from time to time when she noticed he needed a break. he was in her room now, groaning as he leaned over to pick up her dirty clothes. he was taking a trip down to the town laundromat anyways - he was still amazed they got that place working - and he figured he should grab hers too while he was at it. 

out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her trash can, filled to the brim with papers and tissues and things of the sort. he rolled his eyes - she couldn’t even take out her own goddamn trash - and walked over to pick it up and throw it out on the curb. he stopped short, however, as something caught his eye. 

laying against the side of the trash can was a piece of paper, obviously a missed throw from something ellie meant to land in the bin. it was scrunched, like she had balled it up, but joel recognized the paper clear as day. 

“now why would she be throwin out her diary entries?” he murmured to no one but himself.

months ago, while on a trip for food with tommy, joel had stumbled upon a stationary store a little ways out from jackson. curious, he peaked his head in, and found the perfect gift for his kid - a leather bound diary, the pages worn, but usable, and relatively free from damage. he had shoved it in his backpack, and then presented it to her later that day. 

her nose scrunched up as she saw it and she studied it, almost like an animal checking for danger. “what is it?” she asked, reaching out a hand. joel, with a chuckle, placed the leather bound book within it and then took a heavy seat next to her. 

“it’s a journal. some people called em diaries.”

she flips it open. “i’ve heard of these. you - like - track your days, right? where you’ve been and who you’ve fought?”

joel breaths out heavy and slings his arm over ellie, a position they often fell into during the night time. “i suppose that’s what they’re used for now, yeah. but back in my day - back before the infection - people would write in them whatever they wanted. their thoughts, feelings, anything and everything. whatever you want-“ he taps the leather front of the book with his forefinger - “all in there. then its all organized, and only you can look.”

as joel looked at ellie, he couldn’t put a price on the way her eyes positively exploded with light. the first question out of her mouth was “do you mean i can put my puns in this?” and joel had, once again, laughed himself into a coughing fit. 

“absolutely, darlin’.” he hugged the other tight, and they watched tv together. 

that was well over a month ago, and to joel’s knowledge, ellie had been - at least semi - regularly using the journal. he would catch her scribbling in it at breakfast or when he came up late at night to tell her to get some shut eye. 

so why would she tear out a page?

he knew he shouldn’t. he got that journal for her to maintain a semblance of privacy - a semblance of normalcy - but staring at it, crumpled on the ground, almost as if thrown with hate, curiosity got the best of him, and he reached out. 

with careful hands, he spread out the paper, gazing down at ellie’s atrocious handwriting with curiosity. eyes wide, he began to read. 

“Dear diary,

it’s still weird to intro like that. it doesn’t feel real. like, you’re not a real person, right? joel’s real. i should be talking to him about this. not you. 

there’s this boy. i don’t even know if you can call him a boy. he’s more of a vermin. like, the dog shit you step on by accident and then awkwardly try to scrape off the bottom of your shoe. yeah. he’s a shoe dog shit. 

he just won’t leave me alone. and it’s so fucking annoying because normally, i could handle this. i like to think im not weak, but when he gets creepy, when he says the shit he says, i just freeze up. i cant move, and i fucking hate it. 

i told the teacher. she told me to “handle it like a woman”. i have no fucking clue what that means. 

he scares me and i hate it. i hate being scared by pathetic shoe dog shits like him. i killed david. why can’t i do this?

maybe that’s why it’s so startling. he’s a lot like david. he has the same smile - the smile that says he cares and then he grabs me and i tell him to let go and he just doesn’t. 

i’m starting to dread going to school. i asked to be moved but the teacher said no. 

i should tell joel. im just scared i”-

the entry ended there. the writing at the end was even worse than that at the beginning, and the last few words were essentially indecipherable. the entry ended with a scratch of pen, almost as if ellie had been startled or aggressively stopped writing when she did. 

joel didn’t realize he was shaking with anger until he looked down at his hands. his knuckles had turned a pearly white from how tightly he was grasping the diary entry in his hands, and he felt he was about to rip it in two. 

he took a deep breath. slowly, with the hopes of steadying his hands, he placed the balled up piece of paper back into the trash, and pushed himself to his feet. 

he’d have to call into work today. he had a few people to talk to. 

-

he arrived at the school towards the end of ellie’s day. he had wanted to go as soon as he had read the paper, but ultimately decided against it.

he needed time to calm down. nothing would get solved if he walked in and just started screaming at the teacher. 

it was his first time seeing ellie’s school from the inside, and it was just as pathetic as he thought it would be. it wasn’t even a school building to begin with - it was an old apartment building, different ages of kids being shoved into each individual room and assigned a random citizen that needed a job and could read and write. as far as joel knew, that was essentially the only conditions - which did explain a lot, as for the current situation. 

there was no ‘front desk’, per se, but there was a tiny sheet laid out with the room numbers and respective age that was in each. joel supposed it was probably there incase parents wanted to grab their kids for impromptu trips outside the perimeters of the town, but right now, he was just looking for ellie’s teacher. 

joel knew ellie had mentioned having a - or at least, a lose form of - gym towards the end of the day, so he assumed that she and the other kids probably wouldn’t be in the classroom. that was another reason he ultimately decided to wait. he didn’t want to embarrass ellie, or just randomly enter the classroom and ask to speak to her teacher while she was in the middle of class. he had been a teenager too, once upon a time, and he knew that that wouldn’t be too fun. 

his knuckles rapped against the door, and the a soft voice responded, a gentle “come on in.” he took a deep breath, and then pushed open the door, preparing himself for what he was about to face. 

the woman in front of him could barely be considered a traditional teacher. she had the same post-apocalyptic weight on her face (the weight that says you’ve lost someone) and her clothes were worn. they were clean, however, meaning she probably made an attempt to wash them regularly, which not all of the people within the town did. she had a skirt on, but it was flimsy, looking as though she had probably put it together using lose clothing and resources from around the camp. she seemed fine, but far from the model teacher joel had grown up with - sweet, clean, and held high. 

he was snapped out of his thought process as she peered up at him, eyebrows immediately furrowing. “oh.” she said and scooted back in her chair, turning to face the other. “thought you were gonna be one of my students.”

“nah, i’m, uh-“ joel cleared his throat and crossed his arms, unsure how to approach all of this. “i’m joel. ellie’s dad.”

“ah, yes. she’s the new girl. pretty quiet but loves to read.” she spared him a small smile, but it was too twisted at the corners, too ingenuine for joel’s liking. “is there something in particular you’d like to discuss?”

“yeah, uh-“ joel waved his hand towards a students chair. “mind if i pull out a seat? this may take a second.”

“sure. go ahead.”

the teacher watched as joel, with a soft groan, hefted up one of the old metal school chairs and sat it in front of her. with another grunt to accompany the first, he sat down, folding his hands in his lap. he was slightly bent down, but his demeanor was all but small. 

“i’ve caught wind of some things goin on with my daughter, ma’am. i want to know your side of it.”

“oh.” the woman rolled her eyes. “with that john boy? he’s a pest, but no big threat. ellie asked me about it and i told her the truth of the matter.”

joel’s hands clenched dangerously in his lap. “what’d you say to her?”

the woman leaned back slightly, and her eyes widened fractionally. perhaps someone not as well-versed in human body language wouldn’t pick up on, but joel connected the dots immediately - this woman was finally picking up on joel’s barely contained anger. 

“i told her the truth.” she repeated, stating her words clearly and loudly. “we do live in the end times, mr-“ she raised an eyebrow in a silent question. 

“miller.” joel answered. “although we don’t really use our last names anymore. usually don’t get the time to learn ‘em before you’re killed.”

“tell me about it.” the woman sighed, leaning back heavily in her seat and letting a hand drift up to rub her temple. “look,” she began. “i’m trying to give these kids some semblance of normalcy. but they all grew up in the apocalypse. some of them are worse off than others. ellie needs to grow a tough skin. yeah, john says some pretty disgusting things. i’ve heard them myself. but she needs to know how the world is. she needs to handle this like a woman. she-“

“i wouldnt-“ joel’s voice was shaking now, and even he was amazed at how little time it took for him to lose his cool. “i wouldn’t keep tellin’ me what my girl needs. let’s start there. also, i really, really would like for you to explain to me just what the hell you mean by ‘handle it like a woman’. last i checked, the kid was fourteen.”

the teacher shrugged, and joel had to breath deeply through his nose to avoid losing all semblance of control. “fourteen is a woman nowadays.” she stated boldly. “once you can have kids, you’re on your own.”

“that’s-you understand how hypocritical and bullshit the argument you’re making right now is, right?” joel spat out. “you claim you want to give these kids a good life but you’re lettin’ the little boys treat the little girls like livestock. the fuck is-“ he shoved himself up and ran a hand down his face, letting out long and shaky breaths. “shes a baby!” he cries. “a child! you expect her to-“

“ellie will grow stronger if she learns to take it like a man.” the teacher says, and joel’s spins around on his heel, slamming his hand onto her desk. 

“ellie has ptsd.” he snarls out, “and makin’ her go through shit all over again is just gonna hurt her situation. i know we take volunteers from the town, but jesus christ, you are a horrible role model. what if it were your daughter? your logic is flawed, lady, and if we weren’t in a sanctioned city i would be doin’ a whole lot worse to you right now.”

the woman’s lips curled up into a smile. “is that a threat?” she laughed, and all joel can manage out is growl. 

“don’t make it one.” is all he says, and then pushes himself away from the desk. “i’ll be dealing with this john kid. my brother is tommy, the owner of the town. he hears the way you talked about my lil’ girl? the way you talked about the students and women in general? why, you wouldn’t have a job no more, maybe even a place in this community.” now it’s his turn to smile. “i think the kids are coming back from gym.”

just like that, and almost as if summoned, the door burst open, and a group of fifteen or so kids spilled into the classroom. most of them moved awkwardly around joel, some giving him confused looks and others not noticing him at all in favor for talking to their friends. 

ellie was at the very back of the group, and when she lifted her head to see joel, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “joel?” she asked, and took a step forward. “is everything okay?”

“everything’s good, kiddo.” joel places a gentle hand on her shoulder and gives it the tiniest of squeezes. “just had to talk to your teacher about some carpentry stuff. i’ll pick you back up in about an hour, ok?”

ellie’s frown deepens and she gazes over at her teacher, whose face is entirely unreadable. “you don’t have to get me.” she clarifies, and then peers back up at him. “shouldnt you be at work?”

“tommy gave me the day off.” joel reached up and ruffled her hair. “wanted to. thought we could take a walk together. you have a good last hour of school, okay?”

the girl, although still thoroughly confused, nodded and bid the other goodbye. she shuffled to her desk, and it didn’t go past joel’s attention that, while all the other kids were talking to each other, ellie had her face shoved into her comic book with little interest in the world. 

one kid was looking at her, though. a greasy boy, four seats back, with his eyes practically glued to the top of her shirt. 

bingo, thought joel. 

-

joel, always true to his word, stuck around the general area of the school so he would be ready to pick up his daughter once school let out. he walked around, observing the area around the school and making idle chitchat with some of the others teachers (which of whom seemed much nicer than ellie). there wasn’t a bell at the school, as it was an unspoken rule to avoid unneeded noise in a world where clickers existed. however, when joel heard the thudding steps of kids, he knew school was out for the day. 

he heard ellie before he saw her. her voice was dripping with annoyance, and she was snarling out, “for the last time, no. fuck off.”

“come on, baby.” the adult man turned on his heels to see what was going on, and the sight that met him made him sick. 

ellie was practically charging her way out of the school, the greasy boy from earlier - presumably john - hot on her heels. she was speed walking, trying to get away from him, but his arm shot out and wrapped around her wrist. 

immediately, she ripped it away, and joel felt a swell of pride. 

the boy didn’t seem discouraged by the act. in fact, all it resulted in was a sick grin spreading across his face. “you know,” he said, voice low and nauseating. “if i didn’t know any better, i would think you had ulterior motives for rejecting me. every other girl at this school falls at my feet.”

“oh, please.” ellie spat, curling her lip at the other in disgust. “all the other girls hate you just as much as i do. you’re just delusional.”

“hmm.” john chuckled, looking ellie up and down in a way that made even joel’s skin crawl. he was taking steps forward, at this time, looking to stop this before it escalated.

“is it possible...you don’t like men?” 

ellie froze, and subsequently, so did joel. there was a look on her face, a slight downturn in her eyebrows that he wasn’t used to seeing, and it startled him. 

the girl was quick to recover. she wasn’t one to show when things affected her, and this was no exception. “if i did,” she snarled. “it would work to your advantage. your lack of balls would be attractive to me.”

the boys face twisted in unexpected anger, and he reached out, gripping her arm much stronger this time around. he squeezed angrily, and, through clenched teeth, snarled “you will love me, baby. stop being such a fucking-“

joel’s hand closed around the boys wrist before he could finish his sentence. as violently as possible, he shoved the disgusting teenager away, watching him stumble back in surprise and shock. ellie choked out a soft squeak and went to step forward, but joel reached a hand out, stopping her movements with a silent que. stepping in front of her, he glared down at john with daggers in his eyes. 

the boy had the balls to frown angrily at joel. he picked himself off the ground aggressively, wiping at his jeans as if they were expensive (they weren’t, he probably got them from the town dump), and practically snarling at the two in front of him. 

“the fuck are you doing, old man? we were talking.”

“you call that talking?” joel spat, anger radiating off him in waves. “get your ass the fuck out of here and don’t go talking to my daughter ever again.”

now, joel didn’t condone violence against children, and he did his very best to control his tone and temper when addressing them as well. but even now, with a man feet taller in comparison looming over him, that boy was still staring at ellie, almost like a predator stalking its prey, and joel wanted to rip him apart. paternal instincts screamed to just punch him, but he had to remind himself that that was a child, not some robber that he could pummel without guilt. 

that being said, the need was still there, and he reached out to place a hand on ellie’s arm. if he couldn’t beat up the kid in front of him, the very least he could do was comfort her. 

the boy essentially laughed in his face. “i don’t think you control me, old-timer. i said move.” he spat towards joel and then grinned, waiting impatiently for joel’s explosive reaction. 

joel didn’t move. in fact, he just grinned, and reveled guiltily in the look of slight fear that flashed across the kids ugly face. 

joel returns the laugh right back, and let’s the unsettling smile spread further across his features. “kid, i’m the town owners brother. i put in a request and you’re on hunting duty. want that?” the kid opened his mouth, but joel felt he had heard enough of his nasally voice. 

“no, you don’t.” he answered. “only the rascals of the community get that job. or worse yet, you and your family get kicked out. that’s what you want? you want to be fighting for your life out there?” joel took a step forward, and the boy, now looking slightly worried, took a few good steps back. “wanna be on the run from clickers? from hunters? boy, you grew up in this town. you don’t know a damn thing about the world out there. you wouldn’t last. so stop pushing your goddamn luck.”

the boy opened his mouth to talk, but joel wasn’t done. 

“you stay YARDS away from ellie. consider this a threat.” he grins. “be on your best behavior, boy.”

he doesn’t wait for a response. he turns back to ellie, whose mouth is open slightly and is staring up at him with the widest of eyes. ever so gently, he placed a hand on her shoulder, and then pushes her forward. 

“come on, darlin’.” he murmurs, soft so that no one but her can hear. “let’s go home. we’ve both had a long day.”

-

joel doesn’t make her take the long, scenic route he had originally offered. they beeline it home, and the second he closes the door behind them, she’s on the couch. her eyes are closed and her hands are over her head, seemingly blocking out the world around her. 

joel just stands there for a few moments, staring at her and wracking his brain for something to do, some way to fix this. she looks defeated, and it looks so wrong on her resilient features that it almost hurts him to see. he stares, and thinks, and then finds himself drifting towards the kitchen. 

a whole seven months had passed between leaving tommy’s town to find the fireflies and returning with ellie, and, in that time, tommy had made even more advancements. he worked hard day in and day out to provide new technology, crops, and resources for his community. one of these amazing new household items was chocolate - something joel hadn’t tasted in years. 

it wasn’t the best, as it was grown from their cocoa beans, and there wasnt a massive amount of it just yet, but it was something. it was something to help the kids feel like kids, and the adults feel like parents. 

joel reached into the cabinet and pulled out the small, rationed amount they had been given - the supply he had been saving for a special event. he opened the fridge (they had a fridge! with electricity!) and pulled out the milk they picked up weakly from the town farm. he poured a generous amount into a cup, and then dumped in the chocolate they had been provided. with a small, bent spoon, he stirred the mixture until it looked like the closest to hot chocolate he would probably ever get. 

then, he frowned. for it to be hot chocolate, it has to be hot, right? he picks up a pan - he was shocked it wasn’t rusted from all the years laying in the abandoned house - and poured the mixture into it. he then turned to their wood stove, throwing in a few logs, all while trying to be as quiet as possible. he wanted this to be surprise - although, he figured ellie was probably too caught up in her own head to even think to glance over at the noise. 

the mixture, sitting over the fire, was hot in no time. he poured it back into the cup, careful not to spill any, and stuck the spoon back in to give it one last good stir. grabbing the mug by the cracked handle, he picked it up, and made his way back to ellie. 

“hey, baby girl.” he leaned down and gave her shoulder a gentle shake. she peeled open one eye, looking up at him with exhaustion pulling at her under eyes. he frowned, but pushed on nonetheless. “can you sit up for a second?” he asked, and ellie, slow but steady, pushed herself up with her arms. 

joel took his seat next to her, and settled into the couch as she settled against him, head resting comfortably on his shoulder. he gave her arm a quick tap, and, when she was looking at him, presented her with the concoction he had crafted. 

she cocked and eyebrow. “what’s this?” she asked, and all joel needed to hear was the slight rawness in her tone to know that she had been crying. 

“i doubt you’ve ever tried it.” he answered. “it’s called hot chocolate. kids loved it, back in my day. made you feel all warm inside.”

ellie takes a deep breath, smelling in the scent of the drink and humming in approval. “smells good.” she whispers, seemingly more to herself than joel. 

“go on.” he presses. his arm had found its way around his daughters shoulder, and he gave her a gentle squeeze. “try it. it’s good.”

joel watches as, ellie, holding the mug with two hands, lifts the drink to her face, presses her lips against the rim and takes in a deep sip. when she lowers the cup, there’s a brown chocolate stain on her lips and a ghost of a smile on her face. 

“it’s really good.” she grins, and then looks up at the other. he swears he could cry, and he prides himself on keeping his emotions in check. she looks happy, despite everything that had happened that day, and if joel could keep her like this forever, he would. “thank you.” she follows up, and he nods curtly in response. 

“anytime, kiddo.” he murmurs, and pulls her so that she’s resting against him. she continues to sip her drink as he reaches for the remote, letting out one of the father-like groans ellie loves to poke fun at. he turns on tv, and let’s whatever movie they had been watching last play idly in the background. it’s some sort of cartoon - the stuff ellie’s eyes positively light up over. 

it’s a few more minutes before ellie finishes her hot cocoa, and a lot more minutes before either speaks. for a long time, they’re content, joel holding ellie close to him and ellie, despite her internal conflict, taking comfort in the others presence. 

she felt safe, and happy, and protected, and even though she wasn’t quite used to feeling any of those things (she wasn’t quite used to having an adult figure in her life that didn’t borderline hate her), she thought she could get used to it. 

joel’s hands reach up, absentmindedly pulling out her ponytail. he knows it hurts her head when she has it in all day, and constantly reminds her to take it out at night to avoid headaches the next day. biz fingers begin to card through her hair, and maybe it’s the questionable chocolate in her system, or the idle noise in the background just not feeling like enough, but suddenly, ellie is taking all over again. 

“i’m sorry.” is all she says at first, and joel’s hands freeze where they were working out a knot atop her head. after a few seconds, he lays his palm flat, the warmth radiating through her skull in waves. 

“for what?” he asked, slow and low, giving her all the time to interrupt him if she wanted to. 

“that you had to save me.” she murmured, and she’s looking down, pointedly avoiding the others eyes. “i know it’s probably a pain. you have work, and you don’t need to worry about me all the time, not like while we were out there. and you’re still recovering, and i could’ve handled that myself, and i’m just- i’m sorry you had to step in. i promise i’ll be stronger from now on. i’ll handle it like a wom-“

“ellie.” joels voice cuts her off, but it’s anything but angry. ellie was still getting used to this side of him. it came out strongest when he first started proudly and concretely calling her his daughter, and it was accompanied by fierce protective tendencies. 

“i would do anything - anything to protect you. you-“ he takes a deep breath and runs a hand down his face, and, for a second, ellie is scared she’s annoying him just by bringing it up. she liked getting on joel’s nerves sometimes, sure, but she didn’t like genuinely upsetting him (unless he deserved it, like at the ranch). 

“you’re still a girl. a teenager. a kid. and i know- i know, all through your life and at that stupid boarding school, they told you to grow up as fast as possible. but as-“ it’s in this moment ellie realizes that he isn’t annoyed at all, he’s trying to steady the borderline aggressive shaking of his hands. she isn’t sure if it’s out of anger or emotion. “-as your father figure, i..i want to give you as much as a childhood as possible. that teacher, she told you to handle it like a woman - that’s bullshit. you aren’t a woman yet, ellie, and you shouldn’t be expected to be one. you shouldn’t be forced to grow up, and i’m going to make sure of that, even it means beating up a couple of gross teenagers in your honor.” 

at this point, he’s completely holding the other, squeezing her around the shoulders and brushing his hands through her hair once more. “i love you so much, baby girl.” he whispers. “you ever need help, you tell me. an adult isn’t helping you how they should, you tell me. i will always, always be here for you. you ain’t gonna do any of this alone. not if i’m here.”

“and you’ll be here for a long time, right?” ellie asks, voice muffled against the others shirt. “you won’t leave me?”

“couldn’t if i tried, baby girl.” joel whispered against her head. “i’d miss you way too much. you can’t get rid of me.”


End file.
